People say the first year of marriage is the toughest. I guess we've been pretty blessed so far. It feels like The Hubs and I have survived our first year and a half with a fair breeze. Needless to say, this doesn't mean we don't get our fair share of troubles from time to time. It's a huge adjustment after all --starting a new life with someone and everything that comes with them. So here are a few of the lessons (a lot of them we often think of as cliches but prove otherwise) I've learned so far:
1. "You (definitely) marry a whole family."
I keep telling everyone time and again that I've never felt more blessed to belong to a family like my husband's. There has never been a time where I felt like I was an "outsider." My in-laws have all been very warm and loving. The Hubs, in turn, has repeatedly expressed how much he adores my own family. We've truly been lucky. However, not all newly weds can say the same. It's a common theme amongst people I know to have trouble adjusting to their new families. But this is a MUST. This is something crucial that one has a definite need to consider before getting married. Like it or not, your partner's every family ordeal, whether good or bad, will be yours as well. One needs to be ready to be PART of the family you're marrying into, and not simply expect to be a bystander.
I keep telling everyone time and again that I've never felt more blessed to belong to a family like my husband's. There has never been a time where I felt like I was an "outsider." My in-laws have all been very warm and loving. The Hubs, in turn, has repeatedly expressed how much he adores my own family. We've truly been lucky. However, not all newly weds can say the same. It's a common theme amongst people I know to have trouble adjusting to their new families. But this is a MUST. This is something crucial that one has a definite need to consider before getting married. Like it or not, your partner's every family ordeal, whether good or bad, will be yours as well. One needs to be ready to be PART of the family you're marrying into, and not simply expect to be a bystander.
2. "Apologizing doesn't always mean that you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego."
I know what you're thinking --this quote must've been taken straight out of those overly reposted typography-like images on Tumblr or Pinterest. Maybe. But that doesn't make it any less relevant. I can't begin to enumerate how many times this line of thinking has saved our relationship from having to face bigger problems out of trivial matters. It can't be helped that in any relationship, you're going to argue and find things to fight about. It's a difficult lesson to learn, but for most arguments, the both of you eventually have to realize that it's never worth to let your egos win. Saying sorry and actually meaning it is never easy, but when you truly love another person it's usually worth the sacrifice.
I know what you're thinking --this quote must've been taken straight out of those overly reposted typography-like images on Tumblr or Pinterest. Maybe. But that doesn't make it any less relevant. I can't begin to enumerate how many times this line of thinking has saved our relationship from having to face bigger problems out of trivial matters. It can't be helped that in any relationship, you're going to argue and find things to fight about. It's a difficult lesson to learn, but for most arguments, the both of you eventually have to realize that it's never worth to let your egos win. Saying sorry and actually meaning it is never easy, but when you truly love another person it's usually worth the sacrifice.
3. "Doing Household Chores is a Team Effort."
I was lucky (or not) to have grown up in the Philippines surrounded by Helpers to do most of the difficult daily chores around our household. I basically moved out here a few years back, learning to do most of everything on my own for the first time. It wasn't too difficult a transition and was actually quite liberating. But sharing a household with another person, and having the fact sink in --that no one else will be responsible for EVERYTHING but yourselves-- isn't quite the same story. And trust me, as petty as it sounds this is a common root for many arguments amongst newlyweds, even in my own relationship. That's why it's important to strike a balance where each party contributes a fair amount in doing tasks. Admittedly, this continues to be a work in progress for us. And I believe will remain so for a while. (Sigghh It's hard being THE Type A Personality in the Home)
I was lucky (or not) to have grown up in the Philippines surrounded by Helpers to do most of the difficult daily chores around our household. I basically moved out here a few years back, learning to do most of everything on my own for the first time. It wasn't too difficult a transition and was actually quite liberating. But sharing a household with another person, and having the fact sink in --that no one else will be responsible for EVERYTHING but yourselves-- isn't quite the same story. And trust me, as petty as it sounds this is a common root for many arguments amongst newlyweds, even in my own relationship. That's why it's important to strike a balance where each party contributes a fair amount in doing tasks. Admittedly, this continues to be a work in progress for us. And I believe will remain so for a while. (Sigghh It's hard being THE Type A Personality in the Home)
4. "Money does Matter."
Before you say anything, this isn't a how-to on being a "gold digger." What I mean by this, is that knowing how to smartly manage your finances is crucial when you're starting a family. It helps to have a "Financial Guru" as a partner or be one yourself, otherwise you're going to have to learn --and fast! I'm actually pretty lucky. Despite my not-so-good skills on managing finances, I did end up marrying a guy who is almost exactly like my Dad when it comes to money matters. He pays our bills in advance, refuses to rely on credit and makes sure we always have sufficient funds in the bank --even a small surplus for "emergency purposes."
We're a far cry from being "rich," but we're able to afford living comfortably despite a single-income household and one of us being a full-time college student, mainly because of The Hubs' frequent insistence on practicality. Our philosophy is quite basic --To enjoy the fruits of our labor while LIVING WITHIN OUR MEANS. And I am proud to say that we have managed to be completely self-reliant and still afford to spare a little here and there for the family (not as much as we'd want to, but someday I hope we'll be able to -that's the goal) and ourselves. If at a time we were used to spending our own money and not having a care in the world, take heed that things drastically change once you realize you're every bit as responsible for another human being as he or she is to you.
5. "You learn to Love the Imperfections."
Before you say anything, this isn't a how-to on being a "gold digger." What I mean by this, is that knowing how to smartly manage your finances is crucial when you're starting a family. It helps to have a "Financial Guru" as a partner or be one yourself, otherwise you're going to have to learn --and fast! I'm actually pretty lucky. Despite my not-so-good skills on managing finances, I did end up marrying a guy who is almost exactly like my Dad when it comes to money matters. He pays our bills in advance, refuses to rely on credit and makes sure we always have sufficient funds in the bank --even a small surplus for "emergency purposes."
We're a far cry from being "rich," but we're able to afford living comfortably despite a single-income household and one of us being a full-time college student, mainly because of The Hubs' frequent insistence on practicality. Our philosophy is quite basic --To enjoy the fruits of our labor while LIVING WITHIN OUR MEANS. And I am proud to say that we have managed to be completely self-reliant and still afford to spare a little here and there for the family (not as much as we'd want to, but someday I hope we'll be able to -that's the goal) and ourselves. If at a time we were used to spending our own money and not having a care in the world, take heed that things drastically change once you realize you're every bit as responsible for another human being as he or she is to you.
5. "You learn to Love the Imperfections."
When you first date a person, you mostly focus on everything to do with him/her that makes that person seem so "perfect." That's infatuation for you. Once you're married and share each other's personal space, the filter suddenly disappears and those rose-colored glasses shatter. Then, you begin to notice more --this time it's not only the good but also the bad and... the stinky. You begin to notice things like her fart smelling as bad as anyone else's (or worse? "but I thought she pooped butterflies?"). Or that his snoring gets earthshakingly loud when he's exhausted. And the list goes on. But real love, learns to accept all these.
You eventually learn to live with all of it, and if you're really, really lucky, you even learn to love these eccentricities (to some extent). At this point, it's fair to say that I'm secure in knowing that The Hubs will continue loving me even if I don't poop butterflies. And in turn, I've grown a fondness to the occasional snores whenever he's had a long day. We've gotten used to each other's quirks by now, and would probably miss them if they're gone. When you truly love someone, no standard should limit on how they should be like. You love and accept them for who they truly are --with or without rose-colored glasses.
I don't claim to be an expert after only having been married for such a short span of time. But adjusting to each other, I believe, will be a continuous process. And that's what makes it an "adventure" --having to discover something new everyday and changing together.
It's truly a blessing to be married. I've had a lot of people say to me that I was too young when I got married. But when you look to the future with the person you consider your ultimate best friend and co-adventurer, it's a little difficult feeling "old" in the first place. And after only a year and half, the lessons I've learned definitely aren't limited to these above (there's more to come). And as cliche as they may all sound, trust me when I say that they're all pretty legit. Don't believe me? Then go find out for yourself!
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